I Gave Up *Personal Post Alert*

"The past is a place of reference,
​not a place of residence"
-anonymous

For years and years, Lent has been tradition the week prior to Easter. I’ve tried to give up a lot of things for lent: Potato chips, cursing, wine, etc. Probably any bad habit, not-so-good for you can think of, I’ve tried to give it up. This year it was a no brainer I wanted to give up social media, and not going to lie I was super intimidated. I decided on Instagram and Facebook and while I knew the challenges I’d face considering my worlds revolved around these two platforms. Truthfully, I didn’t think I could do it knowing that a decent part of my business is marketed online, which prompted me to create rules and boundaries. Most of which I broke numerous times. (lol) I’ll be honest there were weeks where I stuck to my rules and I’d be almost like detoxing. I look at my situation and know now it wasn’t necessarily facebook and Instagram I was running from but the constant state of competition and engagement we’re interacting in whether we like it or not. During this time I felt rested… Paige girl, what. I know I’m crazy but hear me out. These social media rules or for the non business owners, the social norm, that surround these two are exhausting. You have to post at prim hours, the algorithm is causing people not to see your post, come up with a witty caption, the edit/filter/layout of that isn’t good or isn’t your aesthetic (my least favorite word). Like how could this toxicity compare to those others years of giving up junk food and cursing. I realized during these forty days these platforms themselves weren’t design to be evil and addictive but the culture that surrounds them can be. And maybe this is me. Maybe I shouldn’t take things to heart or care whether I’m doing this “thing” right but I can’t help that’s who I am, and this is my opinion. When I look to see how many followers and likes I’m gaining is defining myself worth that’s the moment I need step away.
 
These last forty days I’ve written things for me and began reading books that aren’t creative focus. I’ve made the effort (and it’s a lot for me) to exercised and studied (it must’ve not been too stressful since I passed my first praxis!). I’ve become obsessed with essential oils and my new diffuser and my favorite thing is to turn it on at the end of a long day and watch different conspiracy theories on YouTube. I’ve explored places and museum with people I love and spent more engaging with people in person versus on a computer screen. want say giving social media help me to gain these things, but I can say it got me out a funk I’ve been struggling for at least two years now.
 
I gave up trying to be so perfect. The day to day struggle of comparison, worrying if I’m doing this thing called life right. I had always been the type to beat to my own drum and finding that again for me feels so good. In this rat race to what it means to be successful I had forgotten that; I had forgotten who I was especially with the new career path pressure I was under. Giving up the social media comparison game and fear of what I wasn’t doing gave me time to think of things I want to do and accomplish! Does this mean I’m going to detox from social media for fourty days again, probably not. Do I think I need unplug spend time doing things and being with people that make me want to be me, unapologetically me? Abso freaking lutely, because that's the person my student, clients, and family loves and needs.