Back to the basics

"The things that excite you are not random.  They are connected to your purpose. Follow them.
-Anonymous "

I've always knew after high school I would go to college but to now be at the "after of college" phase it can be a little scary at times. Lately I have been so busy its been easy to push it in the back of my head even though I have been a been a chronic planner/goal maker (usually accomplishing these plans/goals) for as long as I could remember.
 
This week I had the pleasure of substituting at my high school for my mentor. This teacher was the one who helped me apply to colleges and scholarships, who has push my photography in AP to its fullest, and still works today to help me  brainstorm, create, an ultimately helps me solve both my personal and creative problems a lot of the time. As I drove the backroads I had drove many years before, fear and anxiety filled me. Not only did I worry about being a good resource to the students but I really worried about their acceptance and respect. I was so incredibly intimidated.
 
Working with his Studio classes; 2D, Photo 3, and Advance Placement 2D & Photo was an absolute  breath of fresh air. Lately I've been spending most of my time substituting for elementary level art, which I do enjoy but this is just different. My love for art really developed in high school. Walking around and being able to look at all the students’ work  was sobering to say the least. Seeing students that were very similar to seventeen year old Paige; Reserved yet conscious of the world around, really brought me back to down to earth. The talent and concepts the students we’re allowing themselves to explore was incredible to me, showing maturity beyond their years. Many students opened up to me, explaining the real life context that their subject steamed from. Many students open up to me for advice on their approaches or concepts, even life after high school. Many students opened up to me with their struggles in art and personally. These are all things I didn’t believe I was worthy of.  One student in particular was very closed off when I first met her on Wednesday. As I greeted her with my normal bubbly self, she just looked at me quickly, walking to her spot in the massive classroom. The next day on Thursday, many of the students who took more than one studio had bonded with me. This reserved student made her way into the class to be with the others and eventually we got to talking. As time passed I realized the others had dispersed. Our conversation had shifted to how art is healing at times and others can see this art as weird or my favorite term, “Dark”.  The student told me of an instance she felt self-conscious about being vulnerable through art. She began describing a project of her’s that depicted her struggles growing up with extreme dyslexia which eventually transpired into a deep pit of anxiety and depression mixed with self-harm and suicide attempts.  At one point the student realized her 3D piece was in the class and proceeded to show me. She opened up the large sized wooden box decorated with children’s memorabilia. The box had different type of medication bottles covering family photographs, letters/diary entries, and old report cards.  My heart sunk. Not because I was disturbed in the slightest bit but that this student felt I would understand, that this student could trust me. Another student even wrote me a note on Friday!

​These were huge things that happened in my three days of being back at my high school but even the students that took the chance to show me a few photos made me feel like this I celebrating a huge mile stone in my own professional life.As I drove home that afternoon I called Trey while on the road, he asked how my day was. I took the biggest sigh, a sigh of awe. “It was SO GOOD.” I replied. Of course with that response he inquired for details. As I would begin telling him I would began crying. It wasn’t that teary eye cry that can be hidden; it was that soul changing, emotional release sob. My heart was so full after meeting these students.  I just kept thinking to myself “I’m just a substitute teacher…” I couldn’t understand why or how I gained their acceptance and trust but I felt so honored I did. ​💗

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