What working in Mental Health taught me

"I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people."
​-Vincent Van Gogh

Four short months ago I took a position as art teacher within a mental health and behavioral health facility. I was coming from a background of working with children in the school environment. In this new position I would be working along rehabilitation staff with adults 18 and up. Family and friends reactions varied, many were concerned about the emotional welfare I may be subjected to. I swore I  had seen it all and would fine. I could be like a stone wall. 

Since starting my job, There's many times in my everyday life mental illness comes up casually in conversation. I overhear conversations minimizing  disorders, even poking fun at these illnesses. I can't help but cringe. This past weekend as Trey and I watched an episode of the popular FX series, Atlanta, my eyes welled up with tears during a scene showing the struggle between mental illness and incarnation. From working in my position I now think "that could be one of my people". I see an ambulance in downtown Annapolis and wonder if its someone I see every day. The people I've grown closest to in these past four months are brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, a grandparent. I've learned mental illness doesn't discriminate. Some of the most giving, good hearted people I've met are those who are out on conditional release.  I now judge lightly because its part of a story I never thought to look into telling, even learning, before this experience.  They've had successful careers. They have talents and passions, insight and wisdom that blow me away.  Because of this I see how much these people have made an imprint in my world. I constantly want to share their humor, optimism, growth with the world, having to limit myself a lot due to confidentially. Seeing them accomplish something or come out of their comfort zone of their daily routine makes me feel successful. When they struggle, I personally hurt. I not only see the world differently, I look at myself differently because of them.

One of the most important things I've learned since my position here is question why you are putting in the effort into what you're doing. I had always known many people choose their careers and practices based off of what they'll gain financially or how easy their position may be. As I come to work I see persons served creating art that makes them stand a little taller and gain confidence.  Some are highly interested in selling their work but formany of them creating art isn't always because they want to, but because they need to. For some it's part of their recovery, for some it's a class period where they can turn down the noises and relax. Art is therapy. I don't want to say I had forgotten, but I was definitely reminded back to a time when I was just a high schooler.  I was filled with self doubt, animosity, angst, and pain, just looking to create something to get rid of those feelings. Creating helped me blossom, like the power it has for these individuals. This is what being an artist is about. It doesn't mean your problems are lessened or you gain fame and fortune but you are empowered to share who you are and encourage others to do the same. While I'm sad to say goodbye, although I'm already plotting my next visit, I know I've learned what I am supposed to learn here. As I inform many of them what my next adventure will be I get a lot of "It won't be the same without you". My only response is "I think you know how different my life will be without you. I am forever changed because I met you". I can only hope to carry this love for these individuals into my first official class(es).